Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
