he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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