I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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