I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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