girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
