That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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