Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
