I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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