"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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