my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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