these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
