your thong is hanging out like whoa
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
