two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
