I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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