so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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