when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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