i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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