We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize