You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
