I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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