i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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