he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
