i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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