Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
