I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its liver damage thursday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
