wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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