Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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