I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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