My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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