I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
