I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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