just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
