he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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