My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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