Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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