Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
