I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
