By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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