If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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