Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she told me i tasted like america
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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