omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
