tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
