True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we're so committed to being not committed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
