This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
