if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
