Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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