I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
