Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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