I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
