he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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