Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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