youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
