was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
