D3 body, D1 cock
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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