I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
