Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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