i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
