Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
