So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
