I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it penis luge time yet?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
