Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize