Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
