three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
