you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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