hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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