I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
