I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
