At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have aggressive nipples.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
