she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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