hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
