Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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