i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
