i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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